I was thinking the other day about the fact that Lauren’s birthday is coming up in a little over a week. I’ve already given her a birthday present. She had been hinting that she sure liked the lap desk that I use with my laptop computer. And when I say hinting, here’s what I mean. “Wow mom, I sure like that lap desk. It’s better than the one I have. It would make a nice birthday present mom, hint, hint.” And since I know that she is the Internet queen, naturally, I got it.
So I wasn’t thinking about the need to shop for a present, I was just thinking about what “Happy Birthday” means and it occurred to me that Lauren has many happy birthdays, though they don’t necessarily coincide with her actual birth date. Happy, meaning joyful, and birthday, meaning the day of being born, Lauren has been born, as opposed to having died, five times so far and that definitely makes me happy. We tease her sometimes and tell her she’s like a cat with nine lives. No wonder she loves cats! By the way, she has four now and if she had a little bit bigger apartment, I’ll bet she’d have more.
I don’t know how many people can say that they have been born five times. I hope it’s not a lot, because it’s been very hard as a parent to face the possible death of my child that many times. It never gets easier. In fact, I think it gets harder because even though I know that she is okay for now, in the back of my mind, I know that there will be another and that is scary. It’s not an “if” or a “maybe”, it’s a “when” and I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to have to face that again. But I will.